Surprise Post!

Surprise!  I'm back!  I mean, I've always been here, but juggling grad school, an internship, three jobs, and the multitude of other obligations we as humans have, I've neglected my poor blog.  There's so much to update you all on, as well!

I'll start with this - it hit me this morning, as I was sitting on my "sun balcony" in my new apartment that it's Friday morning.  Theoretically, this should be like a Saturday morning in America.  Quiet, no work, no school, and time for all the fun we all enjoy.  However, Israel is a different animal.  People typically work six days a week, Sunday to Friday (since Saturday is our designated day of rest, as opposed to Sunday in America), children go to school Sunday to Friday, and things operate normally albeit on a shorter schedule.  Things will close early today, around 3:30-4:00PM to allow time for Shabbat preparations.  For me, it typically has meant running to work at H&M from 7AM and then arriving home around 4:30PM to teach the last English lessons of the week before running out of steam.  So, maybe it's no surprise that I haven't had the time that I've wanted to write or read (or study, for that matter).  Our culture here is a fast-paced one, and I feel like people are constantly on the move... 

Except for me today.  My body told me SIT DOWN AND REST, and I've been sick with a stomach virus for almost a week.  I guess I can't complain too much.  We may work extra long and hard, but when you're sick, you get paid out of your sick days (I get 18 a year, for example), and you can really just focus on being better.  That's a huge change from America where, if I were sick, I'd have to use vacation days and pay dearly to go to the doctor.  Did I mention, too, that I pay $7 a month for full coverage health insurance, and I don't pay a dime when I go to visit the doctor?  Or that my prescriptions will never be more than $10 (usually around $3-4)?  Did I also mention that my American mentality is so deeply ingrained within me that I still have a hard time to stop working, go to the doctor, and just rest?  You can check with Yagel - I've driven him nuts with my stubbornness on this subject more than once.  :)

So, let's catch up on some of massive changes that have occurred over the past few months.  First of all, I moved to a new apartment.  It's HUGE compared to what I was in, and it has such a lovely character.  I have a great kitchen, a big living room, two bedrooms (one, I have turned into an office), a large bathroom, and two balconies - a service balcony, where I can theoretically do laundry (just don't have a washing machine yet, haha), and a sun balcony, which I mentioned earlier, that is used as an extension to the kitchen and a future home to yoga and meditation time.  Future meaning, when I have time.  Here's some photo evidence...

 The sun balcony before it was made into an extension of the kitchen...now there is a microwave and a wine rack and other fun kitchen-y things there. 

 This is the much talked about kitchen.  It's HUGE, and I have so much space to cook!  Plus, the sink is 4x bigger than the last one.  I'm not really sure what to do with myself...

 Entering the living room from the sun balcony...TV, book shelf, and oh my, what is that on the bottom left?

 More of the living room, looking at the dining area and front door.

 Looking back into the living room.  Two big sofas!  We don't have to perform acrobatics to relax while watching TV!  Yagel's beautiful artwork is one the walls...and oh...again, there's something strange by the sofa...

The bedroom...so much light.  TV.  More room.  So red (just like I like it!).

 And the office.  With the wild zebra print on the closets.  It even has a dry-erase board on the opposite wall, which is great for teaching lessons! 

So, to address that rather blonde ball of fur that you saw in a few of the pictures.  It is indeed true, Yagel and I adopted a dog.  His name is Tripp Turner Chernia (thanks, Mom!), and he's half Shar-Pei, half Pit Bull or Labrador or teddy bear, we're not sure.  Here he is in all his cuteness...

Yep, so new apartment, new furchild, getting close to finishing my first year in grad school.  Also visited Amsterdam for a week.  It's been a whirlwind, and I'm still loving every minute of it.  Ahhhhh, writing this blog is definitely my therapy.  I hope that I can find the time to do more for myself in the coming weeks...even with finals approaching.  Hope to catch up again with y'all soon!  Kisses, Megan

Stuck in the Middle

Maybe some of you older olim can help me with this, but my first trip home has been an emotional roller coaster.  I'm super happy and excited one minute, I'm sad about leaving the next, I'm super homesick for Israel the next, and I just feel in emotional limbo at the moment.

My flight home leaves Friday, weather permitting, since there is a massive snow and ice storm that will be rolling through the area and the area of my first connecting flight starting Thursday.  Strange enough, I'm not happy with the prospect of staying later or the prospect of leaving earlier because, somewhere in my twisted brain, I have it figured out that Friday is the "sweet spot."  Not too little, not too much.  Goldie Lock's "just right."  I blamed it on the prospect of missing more school when being weepy to my patient and amazing boyfriend earlier, but it's much deeper than that.

When I'm not in Israel, I'm not completely myself...perhaps my healthy self is more accurate to say.  My stomach is messed up because I'm not used to the heavy and gut-punching American food anymore.  My brain is all scrambled because I'm not with my adopted family(s) who have become such an integral part of my everyday life.  My body is beyond jacked up seeing as how I'm on the two week mark of being in the States, and I'm still jet lagged and finding myself tired at all the wrong times.

When I'm not in Arkansas, I'm constantly worried about my parents, my two loving lifelines who mean the world to me.  I miss Mexican and Thai and Indian food.  I miss my dear American friends.  And at this particular moment, I'm stuck between those two worlds, longing to be in Israel but already missing Arkansas (or more correctly, the people who mean something to me since we established in an earlier post that I could very well do without this small town mentality).  How do you deal when you feel like you're about to be torn in two again?

You deal with it with a smile knowing that you, and only you, have been the one to make it possible to live in such a way, having found yourself two different worlds and homes on this vast Earth.  And you're proud of that fact.  You busted it to be able to buy a ticket and come home to show those close to you how much you love them and to just simply (and importantly) be with them.  And you get to return to the place where you feel the best and continue on with the beautiful life you've built with pride and support coming at you from all sides. 

I guess this is truly summing up what it means to be an Arkansan Israeli, a citizen and lover of both places.  Pretty amazing.  So, here's yours truly, "Confused Israeli in Arkansas, Soon to Be Confused Arkansan in Israel," awaiting the balance to be restored.  But more thankful than ever for the life I have. 

Why You (yes, you, that small town Jewish kid) Should Make Aliyah

Living in Israel has had quite an amazing affect on my life.  I'm healthier - not a regular smoker, exercising more frequently, and eating a lot better.  I'm happier - I've let go of a lot of pain, am in the process of healing, and have found my place in this world with the most beautiful adopted family by my side.  I'm more successful (even if less wealthy) - I've started my masters degree, I'm teaching English and dancing to kids, and I am totally self-sufficient without a cent of debt. 

But wait, where's the religious part?  You would think that moving to the "Holy Land" would push this aspect to the forefront of everything.  Many of you who know me remember that for the 5 to 6 years following up to making aliyah, I became quite traditional in my Jewishness.  I wore a lot of skirts and dresses.  I kept strict Kosher.  And for awhile, I kept Shabbat, not working/driving/cooking/etc./etc. from Friday night sundown to Saturday night sundown.  All the while, I felt like I was fulfilling some unwritten code of small town Jewry about keeping the customs and the religion alive.  It was my duty to stand apart and my duty to be different and my duty to keep these traditions in order to be Jewish.  And it worked for quite some time.  I suffered, and I struggled, and I wrestled with my beliefs and my feelings.  But all the while, something way down deep was not satisfied at all.

Coming to Israel, I thoroughly expected to deepen in my religiousness.  What I didn't expect was to deepen in my spirituality and my humanity while losing so much of the traditional chains that bound me so tightly (not just to Judaism, but that wound me up and suffocated me, as well).  Am I still Jewish?  Heck yes.  But it's a different form of Judaism.  It's the focus on family, it's the charity and the giving, it's the culture.  So, while I may not worry if a restaurant has a Kosher certificate or if there is cheese on my hamburger anymore, I've never felt more Jewish in my life.  Everyone has their own definitions of what it is to be Jewish, but for the first time in my life, I feel like I can be Jewish in the way that I need to be, not in the way that Judaism needs me to be. 

I was a little scared of coming back home and feeling as if I would get lost in the crowd because I'm not the traditional Jew I used to be.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.  I feel more self-secure and powerful than ever.  Being Jewish is so natural for me now, and I don't have to depend on stringent traditions to define me as a Jew. 

That's why I suggest that small town Jews make aliyah...to discover their Judaism instead of having Judaism dictate what it should be to them.  You may find that you strengthen your religious ties and that you're opened up to another, vaster world of Judaism, one where you don't fight to find Kosher food, where you don't have to beg to be off of work for Shabbat and Jewish holidays, and one where your religious connection sores.  You may have a similar experience to mine and become a completely different type of Jew.  Or you may have any number of amazing experiences along the spectrum.  But I'll tell you, when you come back to the States and you feel that difference between living in a Jewish country and functioning in a non-Jewish country, it'll definitely get you thinking differently about your Jewish life.  (It could be that Israel isn't for you, but just for the eye-opening experience of how Judaism works in your life, it's worth giving the Israeli life a try for a few years.)

So, in honor of the miracle of Channukah (a mere three days away!), I'll toast to the miracle of finding my Jewish self.  L'chaim!    

Will Home Ever Be Home Again?

I've been home for 4.5 days, and while I have thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my parents and seeing/planning to see many dear friends, I am feeling extremely alienated here in my small hometown.  Running into people is fun, for sure, with the excited squeals of "WOW, you're back!" and "You look amazing!" (30 pounds down will do it).  And being here during Thanksgiving/Christmas time is also refreshing and exciting and something I don't get back in Israel.  But, it just doesn't feel right anymore.  Old scars pop back out.  The past is no longer the past.  And all that healing and growing you've so carefully cultivated seems to come undone just a little bit.

For instance, I saw someone yesterday who asked how married life was (she's about two years behind on the gossip).  I very bluntly told her that I was divorced and that it had been a really terrible situation.  She continued badgering me about life and how things are now, but I couldn't shake that dirty feeling of being reminded of that part of my history.  And from the looks of the other party-goers, they couldn't either.  The fake smiles laced with judgmental tendencies really tore away a little bit of my excitement of being here.

So, that brings me to my question - will home ever be home again?  I've had a hard time of saying, "I'm home," and have instead opted for, "I'm in Arkansas."  For me, Israel is my home now.  I feel 100% at ease there with the beautiful life I've built.  Free of judgement about the past (and that's even with all my near and dear ones knowing the past and loving and accepting me).   Free of stigma.  And complete honesty, warmth, love, and directness.  It is a rather sad notion feeling that your home will never be your home again, but there's also something welcoming about the fact that home can be where you make it and where you need it to be. 

I also have to keep the words of my ever-brilliant boyfriend and source of unconditional support in mind:  "I'd like you to travel home carrying not only my pride in your heart, but more importantly yours.  For making a home of a strange place, empowering friends, taking care of yourself, and having fun.  Feel proud!"  And I am.  I can hold my head up high and say that I have definitely chosen the right path for me.  And even if it is hard being away from Mom and Dad, I know that I've built the home that I needed to build and that it just keeps getting better.

Next up, why all small town Jews should make aliyah.  Interesting observations on the way...

 

So, It's Been a Year...Thoughts on My First Aliyahversary

Friends, today marks exactly one year of me being Israeli!  Happy Aliyah-versary to me!  (The word "aliyah" is a specific term for when a Jew immigrates to Israel...it also has other meanings connected to that, but just to keep you in the know.)

What a year it has been.  Let's do a quick recap so I can wrap my own head around it, how about?

October 2012 - arrived in Israel with dog in tow and my life shoved into four suitcases.  This was, of course, after spending a full day in Manhattan with 8 of my best friends who traveled from Arkansas, Boston, Princeton, Washington DC, and various parts of NYC to see me.  I also met my "Israeli family" on one of the most fun nights of my life.  Shout out to Artur, Meirav, Anat, Noam, and Ricky for loving and taking such good care of me.  <3

November 2012 - heard my first air raid siren the same day I was supposed to start my intensive Hebrew classes, therefore postponing the start of my classes.  Heard another air raid siren.  Met fun friends in Tel Aviv and then had to scramble back to Be'er Sheva to try and escape the impending war, only to be stuck outside for the beginning of the fireworks.  Survived said war with a fair amount of PTSD.  Danced on a bar...twice.  You know, to establish balance in my life.

December 2012 - celebrated a yummy Channukah...the first holiday I got to experience in Israel!  Went out A LOT, having a great time with my adopted family and learning the night life of B7.  Enjoyed the hell out of it all.

January 2013 - Cassie came to visit!  My first international visitor.  We tore up the sites...accidentally drove through the West Bank...and both got super sick.  Survived the worst winter in 50 years here...it rained so hard that my living room almost flooded!  Then, I voted in my first Israeli elections.  Very cool to have that experience basically right off the plane!

February 2013 - finished my intensive Hebrew classes, getting a perfect score on my oral exam and an insanely high score on my written exam...and then I just suddenly felt lost because, I didn't have any school anymore.

March 2013 - my first birthday here in Israel...Tals came to visit, and everyone made me feel extremely special and loved.  Started working at my first Israeli job...in Hebrew.  Was terrified, but hey, jumping in face first is sometimes the way to go.  Applied for grad school.

April 2013 - Passover happened, and I ate more than I ever have in my life.  Thank goodness I also started biking back in March, or I would be one large momma by now...also celebrated my first Israeli Independence Day, something I've been waiting to do for YEARS.  It lived up to expectations, for sure.  Also helped open H&M in B7, so that was rather thrilling and exciting to be a part of that whole process...in Hebrew.  Took an exam as the second step in the grad school application process.

May 2013 - Life continued, I started missing home a bit more, continued working, continued loving every minute of it all.

June 2013 - was traumatic.  Pepper, my adorable princess pug who was my strength and support for so long, got sick very suddenly and passed away.  My world was upside down, and I honestly didn't know how to cope with this loss.  I was very fortunate to have so many beautiful friends who wrapped around me and held me up through this difficult time.  Magically and rather suddenly got accepted to grad school, mid-application process.  Got offered a job teaching English in a fun summer program.  Reaffirmed that most Israeli guys are pieces of dirt...and I somehow kept a smile on during most of this confusing mess.  It was quite the month.

July 2013 - started teaching English lessons and even got my first private student!  Let the tide sweep me along with work and going out and having a great time, and BOOM!  I met my amazing, sweet, supportive, charming, handsome, thoughtful, intelligent, talented boyfriend.  Yeah, that was unexpected and totally swept me off my feet.  I'm not complaining...:)

August 2013 - got more private students.  Got really busy.  Work, teach, work, prep for school, somehow continue to take care of myself.  Lol, which I really didn't take care of myself...Yagel definitely made that happen.  Constantly reminded of how lucky I am. 

September 2013 - HOLIDAYS!  I got to experience the High Holidays here in Israel...and it was magical and fun and finally everything I have ever wanted.  Bought a ticket to go home and see my parents in November...because, you know, it's about time.  Ate more and more...went to the beach some...slipped deeper into exhaustion from so much work and play...

October 2013 - went to orientation for grad school (which starts NEXT WEEK)...started converting my American drivers' license to an Israeli one...bought concert tickets to Justin Timberlake AND a plane ticket to Amsterdam (going with the best group of people EVER)...am applying for my Israeli passport...and sitting here totally in shock at where my life has gone in the past year. 

One year ago today, I stepped off a plane in the desert, not knowing what to expect.  One year later, I can easily and happily say that I am at the best place in my life ever.  My amazing experiences keep continuing, and I keep growing and progressing.  Y'all, I can bank and study and work and survive in Hebrew!  I can take care of myself in a different country...my country.  It's such a cool thing to be Israeli and to explore the opportunities that I have been given.  And now, I have permission from myself to start writing my book, all about my first year as a young, independent, female moving her entire life to Israel...and how everything just keeps getting better.  As if I'm not busy enough.  ;P  Or, for Artur, in honor of Pepper...P;  Sending much love and gratitude to you all.  Here's to the start of another AMAZING year!

Reader's Choice

Hello, my dear readership.  I hope you're all well.  We're still hanging in there, starting off our new week here in Israel (remember, our week starts on Sunday, with the weekend being Friday and Saturday due to the Jewish Sabbath falling on Saturday).  I should be getting ready for my hectic, pre-Rosh Hashanah work week, but instead, I'm reaching out to y'all.  I really want to write a post answering questions you may have about my life here.  From food and romance to language and culture.  Anything goes!  So, either comment on this post with your question or email it to me at turner.megane@gmail.com.  I look forward to hearing from you very soon!  Lots of love, Megan

What I Have in My House (in Israel) that You Don't...

No doubt that life here is much different than life in America.  And no doubt that I'm loving every minute of it.  Even the hard and the scary times because, well, this is my home.  With the imminent US strike on Syria, you can definitely feel the buzz of running to get prepared for whatever may come in air, and it really got me to thinking about what I have in my house now that I would NEVER have in my house back home in Arkansas.  So, here's a humorous yet realistic rundown of my phat, war-prepped pad in the B7.

Exhibit A:  Milk in a bag.  I've been obsessed with this odd commodity since the first time I lived here in 2006.  I like milk in a bag.  Hell, I love milk in a bag, and it's cheaper than milk in a carton.  Boo to the yeah.  If whatever impending doom is anything like last time, however, it'll take me an hour to make a cup of coffee and use this heavenly liquid between trips to the bomb shelter.

Exhibit B:  Gas mask in a box.  Including my very own Epipen in the event that I inhale any noxious chemical/biological warfare fumes (update - this is NOT included in my kit...read that in the news not too long ago...eep!).  It's even got a nifty, thick plastic strap which I assume is a sign that it was designed to be carried around like a purse for those of us who might be more panicked than others.  I felt super uneasy having this under my bed the first few nights it lived there, but now it's just another thing that collects dirt, dust, and sand.  I'm REALLY hoping I don't have to figure out how to strap on a gas mask in the coming days.

Exhibit C:  My bedroom, the bomb shelter.  You can see my reinforced door and the metal sheet over my window.  Definitely not something I thought I would ever use (oh, to be naive once again!), but something I am ever thankful for having.  It is a bit frustrating that the walls are super thick slabs of concrete and are therefore really troublesome for hanging pictures and whatnot and that the only place I get internet on the computer is right by the door, but those are small prices to pay for this safety commodity.  I did recently find myself joking to a friend, "If you need a mamad (bomb shelter), you know where the party's at!"  After I said it, I felt really weird even having joked about it.  All part of the process of becoming Israeli.

Exhibit D:  Just a portion of the package of toilet paper I am required to buy here in Israel.  They don't sell packages with less than 478014 rolls, and you are therefore stocked for about a year at at time.  In all seriousness, the standard pack comes with about 50 rolls and comes up to my waist.  Remember, I don't have a car, so I either bike or walk to the grocery store and must lug this thing home.  I can use the pack kind of like a cane, and I always feel overwhelmed when it's all stacked up in my bathroom.  Remember, again, that I live in a small place with not a lot of storage, which makes the volume even more overwhelming for me.  Good thing I'm stocked up in case I accidentally shit my pants from the stress of this looming attack...

Exhibit E:  A fairly typical news headline for me.  Stay calm, folks.  Ain't nothin' to worry about here!  Everyone needs to get their gas mask, but don't panic (I got mine back in January, so I've been prepared).  Hospitals need to take emergency precautions, but don't panic.  Soldiers in the North aren't allowed to go home for the weekend and reserve soldiers have been called up, but don't panic.  The government has moved Iron Dome missile defense system to quite a few locations in the north/center and even Patriot missile systems, but don't panic.  In all fairness, I'm not panicked, but I am on edge.  You can feel that buzz in the air which is really oddly juxtaposed to the festive atmosphere of the upcoming Jewish New Year.  People are buying up a ton of food for the long holiday and the lavish meals and swinging by the post office to pick up their gas masks and picking up a few other emergency items along the way.  But, you know, we do just keep going, and we stick together, and we do it with our heads held high.  Friggin' proud to be Israeli, fo sho.

Exhibit F:  Ahhhhhh, and one of my favorite things, I have this view.  My beautiful desert garden with cacti and a hammock and birds and colorful flowers.  I have a window that happily looks out on it all with my proud Israeli flag (which I bought in 2005 and have subsequently dragged to every place I've ever lived since).  These beautiful things, among others, make living here so worth it. 

I hope you've enjoyed your little tour of my domicile.  Yes, I have a gas mask under my bed, and I sleep in a bomb shelter, but I also live in one of the most lively, dynamic, progressive places in the world.  I wouldn't change it for anything.  I should, however, go clean my house and finish stocking up on food in the event that I do have guests in the bomb shelter...a true possibility.  Sending everyone wishes of rest, fun, and most importantly, peace and quiet, on this Shabbat.