What's Next?

That's a fairly profound question but one that I have been asking myself a lot lately.  So much has changed recently, and I have these huge question marks floating around in my head.  There's nothing much to complain about, but the uncertainty is startling.

Exciting news is that I got accepted to Ben Gurion University's Masters of Social Work program which starts in October.  Scary part of that is...well, there's a lot.  First of all, all the classes are in Hebrew (with the exception of a few taught by the department head who is American and who refuses to teach in Hebrew...I'll be signing up for A LOT of his courses!).  I realize that I'll manage.  Hell, I've managed for this long, and I've not only survived, I've prospered.  Yes, I shock myself daily with my abilities in a foreign language, but I also get frustrated daily when I get tongue tied and can't fully express myself.  You really feel stupid, for lack of a better way to describe it, when you're first mastering a new language.  You firstly start to lose your superior grasp of your mother tongue, forgetting common words that you just haven't used in awhile, and you secondly don't have enough traction in the new language to fully show who you are and display your level of intelligence.  It is frustrating and humbling for someone like myself who has always been a "talker" and a "communicator."  Which in its own way probably means that I'll be fine and that I just need to give myself time.

Second scary issue tied to uni is that of money.  I'm very fortunate that the State of Israel will be paying for the vast majority of my degree program as part of my new immigrant benefits.  However, this is a "retraining" program, meaning that I have to take a semester or two of bachelors level classes to complete my BA in Social Work.  Two degrees for one?  I'll take that.  But that also means that the government won't pay for all of this first year.  Also, even when they do pay for it, I have to pay for everything upfront and they reimburse me a couple of months later.  What does that mean?  I have to apply for student loans (in Hebrew), I have to find scholarships (in Hebrew), and I have to figure out how to balance a work schedule that will both allow me to study and allow me to eat and have a place to live.  This is such a different situation from where I was a year ago.  And I get that there are challenges in the beginning of any new adventure, but different money in a different language is super unsettling.  Oh well, that's what the rest of my day is devoted to - figuring out finances for the next year and trying not to cry from the stress.

I have also started teaching English lessons.  Through the great power of Israeli networking, I was introduced to someone from the Ministry of Education who has hired me as a teacher for summer school programs and who has also given me the opportunity to teach English private lessons.  This is a huge breath of fresh air, as it's much more in line with what I want to be doing, and it's a much better use of my professional skills than selling clothes.  I'm loving it, even if I did make a little brat cry last week in my class and even if it feels a little up in the air at this point as to what will happen once the school year starts.

All of this uncertainty and all of these question marks are directly impacting the thing that I want to do most at this point, which is visit home.  I'm dying to be in Arkansas with my mom and dad and to see friends and to eat food that I miss and to be in my childhood home.  At this point, I can only stay positive and hope that I can fly home at the end of September before classes start.  Hell, I may just do it on a whim, like an Israeli, and figure out the consequences later.  Which is probably what will happen.

And for now?  It's off to the bank for a fun round of Israeli bureaucracy.  I think I'll need a strong drink tonight, even though it is the "saddest day of the Jewish calendar" as we remember the destruction of the two Temples in Jerusalem. I mourn by drinking, as I have shown myself and the rest of the world this past month and a half.  So, cheers to all, and get ready for our next post, all about the absurdities of working retail in Israel.