What I Have in My House (in Israel) that You Don't...

No doubt that life here is much different than life in America.  And no doubt that I'm loving every minute of it.  Even the hard and the scary times because, well, this is my home.  With the imminent US strike on Syria, you can definitely feel the buzz of running to get prepared for whatever may come in air, and it really got me to thinking about what I have in my house now that I would NEVER have in my house back home in Arkansas.  So, here's a humorous yet realistic rundown of my phat, war-prepped pad in the B7.

Exhibit A:  Milk in a bag.  I've been obsessed with this odd commodity since the first time I lived here in 2006.  I like milk in a bag.  Hell, I love milk in a bag, and it's cheaper than milk in a carton.  Boo to the yeah.  If whatever impending doom is anything like last time, however, it'll take me an hour to make a cup of coffee and use this heavenly liquid between trips to the bomb shelter.

Exhibit B:  Gas mask in a box.  Including my very own Epipen in the event that I inhale any noxious chemical/biological warfare fumes (update - this is NOT included in my kit...read that in the news not too long ago...eep!).  It's even got a nifty, thick plastic strap which I assume is a sign that it was designed to be carried around like a purse for those of us who might be more panicked than others.  I felt super uneasy having this under my bed the first few nights it lived there, but now it's just another thing that collects dirt, dust, and sand.  I'm REALLY hoping I don't have to figure out how to strap on a gas mask in the coming days.

Exhibit C:  My bedroom, the bomb shelter.  You can see my reinforced door and the metal sheet over my window.  Definitely not something I thought I would ever use (oh, to be naive once again!), but something I am ever thankful for having.  It is a bit frustrating that the walls are super thick slabs of concrete and are therefore really troublesome for hanging pictures and whatnot and that the only place I get internet on the computer is right by the door, but those are small prices to pay for this safety commodity.  I did recently find myself joking to a friend, "If you need a mamad (bomb shelter), you know where the party's at!"  After I said it, I felt really weird even having joked about it.  All part of the process of becoming Israeli.

Exhibit D:  Just a portion of the package of toilet paper I am required to buy here in Israel.  They don't sell packages with less than 478014 rolls, and you are therefore stocked for about a year at at time.  In all seriousness, the standard pack comes with about 50 rolls and comes up to my waist.  Remember, I don't have a car, so I either bike or walk to the grocery store and must lug this thing home.  I can use the pack kind of like a cane, and I always feel overwhelmed when it's all stacked up in my bathroom.  Remember, again, that I live in a small place with not a lot of storage, which makes the volume even more overwhelming for me.  Good thing I'm stocked up in case I accidentally shit my pants from the stress of this looming attack...

Exhibit E:  A fairly typical news headline for me.  Stay calm, folks.  Ain't nothin' to worry about here!  Everyone needs to get their gas mask, but don't panic (I got mine back in January, so I've been prepared).  Hospitals need to take emergency precautions, but don't panic.  Soldiers in the North aren't allowed to go home for the weekend and reserve soldiers have been called up, but don't panic.  The government has moved Iron Dome missile defense system to quite a few locations in the north/center and even Patriot missile systems, but don't panic.  In all fairness, I'm not panicked, but I am on edge.  You can feel that buzz in the air which is really oddly juxtaposed to the festive atmosphere of the upcoming Jewish New Year.  People are buying up a ton of food for the long holiday and the lavish meals and swinging by the post office to pick up their gas masks and picking up a few other emergency items along the way.  But, you know, we do just keep going, and we stick together, and we do it with our heads held high.  Friggin' proud to be Israeli, fo sho.

Exhibit F:  Ahhhhhh, and one of my favorite things, I have this view.  My beautiful desert garden with cacti and a hammock and birds and colorful flowers.  I have a window that happily looks out on it all with my proud Israeli flag (which I bought in 2005 and have subsequently dragged to every place I've ever lived since).  These beautiful things, among others, make living here so worth it. 

I hope you've enjoyed your little tour of my domicile.  Yes, I have a gas mask under my bed, and I sleep in a bomb shelter, but I also live in one of the most lively, dynamic, progressive places in the world.  I wouldn't change it for anything.  I should, however, go clean my house and finish stocking up on food in the event that I do have guests in the bomb shelter...a true possibility.  Sending everyone wishes of rest, fun, and most importantly, peace and quiet, on this Shabbat.