Why You (yes, you, that small town Jewish kid) Should Make Aliyah

Living in Israel has had quite an amazing affect on my life.  I'm healthier - not a regular smoker, exercising more frequently, and eating a lot better.  I'm happier - I've let go of a lot of pain, am in the process of healing, and have found my place in this world with the most beautiful adopted family by my side.  I'm more successful (even if less wealthy) - I've started my masters degree, I'm teaching English and dancing to kids, and I am totally self-sufficient without a cent of debt. 

But wait, where's the religious part?  You would think that moving to the "Holy Land" would push this aspect to the forefront of everything.  Many of you who know me remember that for the 5 to 6 years following up to making aliyah, I became quite traditional in my Jewishness.  I wore a lot of skirts and dresses.  I kept strict Kosher.  And for awhile, I kept Shabbat, not working/driving/cooking/etc./etc. from Friday night sundown to Saturday night sundown.  All the while, I felt like I was fulfilling some unwritten code of small town Jewry about keeping the customs and the religion alive.  It was my duty to stand apart and my duty to be different and my duty to keep these traditions in order to be Jewish.  And it worked for quite some time.  I suffered, and I struggled, and I wrestled with my beliefs and my feelings.  But all the while, something way down deep was not satisfied at all.

Coming to Israel, I thoroughly expected to deepen in my religiousness.  What I didn't expect was to deepen in my spirituality and my humanity while losing so much of the traditional chains that bound me so tightly (not just to Judaism, but that wound me up and suffocated me, as well).  Am I still Jewish?  Heck yes.  But it's a different form of Judaism.  It's the focus on family, it's the charity and the giving, it's the culture.  So, while I may not worry if a restaurant has a Kosher certificate or if there is cheese on my hamburger anymore, I've never felt more Jewish in my life.  Everyone has their own definitions of what it is to be Jewish, but for the first time in my life, I feel like I can be Jewish in the way that I need to be, not in the way that Judaism needs me to be. 

I was a little scared of coming back home and feeling as if I would get lost in the crowd because I'm not the traditional Jew I used to be.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.  I feel more self-secure and powerful than ever.  Being Jewish is so natural for me now, and I don't have to depend on stringent traditions to define me as a Jew. 

That's why I suggest that small town Jews make aliyah...to discover their Judaism instead of having Judaism dictate what it should be to them.  You may find that you strengthen your religious ties and that you're opened up to another, vaster world of Judaism, one where you don't fight to find Kosher food, where you don't have to beg to be off of work for Shabbat and Jewish holidays, and one where your religious connection sores.  You may have a similar experience to mine and become a completely different type of Jew.  Or you may have any number of amazing experiences along the spectrum.  But I'll tell you, when you come back to the States and you feel that difference between living in a Jewish country and functioning in a non-Jewish country, it'll definitely get you thinking differently about your Jewish life.  (It could be that Israel isn't for you, but just for the eye-opening experience of how Judaism works in your life, it's worth giving the Israeli life a try for a few years.)

So, in honor of the miracle of Channukah (a mere three days away!), I'll toast to the miracle of finding my Jewish self.  L'chaim!    

Will Home Ever Be Home Again?

I've been home for 4.5 days, and while I have thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my parents and seeing/planning to see many dear friends, I am feeling extremely alienated here in my small hometown.  Running into people is fun, for sure, with the excited squeals of "WOW, you're back!" and "You look amazing!" (30 pounds down will do it).  And being here during Thanksgiving/Christmas time is also refreshing and exciting and something I don't get back in Israel.  But, it just doesn't feel right anymore.  Old scars pop back out.  The past is no longer the past.  And all that healing and growing you've so carefully cultivated seems to come undone just a little bit.

For instance, I saw someone yesterday who asked how married life was (she's about two years behind on the gossip).  I very bluntly told her that I was divorced and that it had been a really terrible situation.  She continued badgering me about life and how things are now, but I couldn't shake that dirty feeling of being reminded of that part of my history.  And from the looks of the other party-goers, they couldn't either.  The fake smiles laced with judgmental tendencies really tore away a little bit of my excitement of being here.

So, that brings me to my question - will home ever be home again?  I've had a hard time of saying, "I'm home," and have instead opted for, "I'm in Arkansas."  For me, Israel is my home now.  I feel 100% at ease there with the beautiful life I've built.  Free of judgement about the past (and that's even with all my near and dear ones knowing the past and loving and accepting me).   Free of stigma.  And complete honesty, warmth, love, and directness.  It is a rather sad notion feeling that your home will never be your home again, but there's also something welcoming about the fact that home can be where you make it and where you need it to be. 

I also have to keep the words of my ever-brilliant boyfriend and source of unconditional support in mind:  "I'd like you to travel home carrying not only my pride in your heart, but more importantly yours.  For making a home of a strange place, empowering friends, taking care of yourself, and having fun.  Feel proud!"  And I am.  I can hold my head up high and say that I have definitely chosen the right path for me.  And even if it is hard being away from Mom and Dad, I know that I've built the home that I needed to build and that it just keeps getting better.

Next up, why all small town Jews should make aliyah.  Interesting observations on the way...