Day 17 - Utter Confusion

The last two days have been a whirlwind.  So, let's catch up.

Tuesday, I used my morning, before work at 2:30pm, to run errands.  I've been scared to leave the house without a car, but I really needed to go get a replacement Israeli ID (no clue where mine is).  We live quite close to the Ministry of the Interior, so I just walked there.  That nice, yet strong, morning desert sun, that clean smell in the air, and that all too familiar fear of being stuck outside for rockets.  But I was determined to hold my head high and go about my day normally.  And I did...while constantly on the lookout for where to hide.

Friends, I am SO SICK of constantly having to think of where to run.  I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm stretched to my limit, and I'm not even in a community close to Gaza where I only have 15 seconds.  I have a minute, but that is only one minute to SAVE MY LIFE.  I just don't know if I have the energy for it anymore.

Anyway, I applied for my new ID, and then I pushed my bike to the repair shop because I had a major flat.  Then I rode my bike home.  Somehow, I guess I thought we would go the day without rocket attacks.  You get this false sense of security whenever things are quiet for a bit too long, and you forget what is going on, and then you snap back to reality.  That moment when you snap back is one of the most disconcerting feelings ever.  You suddenly remember, "Oh shit, I'm in a war zone, and I need to be on my toes.  How was I not paying attention this whole time?!"  And that's how it went, plus or minus, the whole day until I got to work.

I parked my bike, and I walked inside.  My friend walked in before me and told the security guard that he needed to check me extra good because, "You know what Americans usually carry..."  The guard laughed and told me, sarcastically, that I had a really good friend.  So, we continue on, laughing and me lightly punching her in the arm, and then, there's a siren.  My first thought was thank the sweet lord that I am not on that bicycle still.  Second thought, okay, it's started again.  And so the day progressed.  More sirens.  Dinner with three super lovely friends was interrupted twice by rockets.  They live in an upstairs apartment attached to a house, so they have access to the house's bomb shelter.  Down the outside steps we went, dog in the arms of my friend's husband, and into the house.  I had no idea where to go, and suddenly, we are inside the landlords' house, and the lady is super sweet, directing us to the bomb shelter.  We all squeeze in, five from upstairs, the dog, landlords and their adult son, sopping wet with just a towel between him and us.  Awkward, but such is life.

The night air was clear, and we could hear sirens from the next city.  We could hear the bombing and the fighting in Gaza.  And it was so surreal...and sad...and terrifying.  Which is how most days are now.

Yesterday, more sirens.  Yagel got stuck twice in the car with the dog trying to buy our sweet puppy food.  He had to park the car and bolt into a building with dog in tow (or was Yagel in tow?  I'm not sure).  His nerves were shot yesterday after that.  I was in English lessons with two brothers, and my heart just broke watching them run frantically to the shelter.  And we're both still exhausted from the late night bombings two nights ago.

On top of all of this, the FAA decided to ban all flights to and from Israel, and afterwards, many European carriers followed suit.  For now, the ban is lifted, so I should be able to fly Saturday, but who knows.  And now, my dad's surgery is postponed.  Why?  I'm not sure.  So, essentially, Yagel and I are flying separately for now reason.  If I fly.  Does anyone else want to throw anything else into the mix to make my head a little more muddled?

And all of this while reading some of the most biased, uninformed, incorrect news stories, posts, and thoughts from people so far removed from this situation.  It's not black and white.  It's not simple.  It's not Israel the aggressor and Gaza the pitiful.  It's a nasty mix of innocent civilians everywhere being targeted by a terror organization, and a small country doing its best to defend itself and its civilians.  There's an amazing blog here by Eitan Chitayat, an Israeli citizen, that I recommend all to read.  I want to take two passages from his blog and post them here, because they sum it up so well:

"...we’re mass murderers? My country accepts an Egyptian-proposed Gaza cease-fire twice and Hamas keeps firing away. They aim rockets at civilians while we go at great lengths to avoid civilians actually calling them in their areas and dropping warning charges, to give innocents a chance to escape. That’s unprecedented in warfare history. We leave Gaza for a chance at peace 9 years ago and for 9 years we got rockets, hate education, underground tunnels built with the purpose of entering Israeli territory so radicals can murder and kidnap Jews? This is what we get for leaving Gaza unilaterally 9 years ago. And we’re mass murderers?"

And...

"Let me be very clear. Hamas is trying to kill ME. My family. My baby son. All of us here. That is their purpose. Get it through your heads – that is what is happening. And it’s VERY personal. For all of us here."

 

This is from The Times of Israel Blog.  Again, if you want great, live coverage, they're your source.  If you don't know what you're talking about, can I respectfully request that you shut the fuck up?  That would help this situation a ton.  So many people, so many opinions, but not many with first-hand experience.  

And that's what I've got, friends.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  Hell, I don't know what will happen between now and my physical therapy appointment in two hours.  By the way, I was cleared by the ortho specialist to run in the event of a siren, hahaha.  We still don't know what's going on with my back, but there is no neurological damage, and the spinal cord seems fine.  So, back to exercising, back to moving more normally, back to running for my life.

If I do fly on Saturday, I may not have the time to post until I arrive to the States.  Lots of love to you all, Megan.