"I'm Never Going on a Date Again."

That's what I said after this last horror of a date, and I still maintain this position.  So, I met this guy on a train and started up a conversation with him during the hour-long trip.  All signs pointed to him being normal, respectable, and intelligent, somewhat of a surprise since most guys interested in me here don't meet any of those qualifications.  He was an engineer, spoke great English, and was cute.  We exchanged phone numbers but didn't speak for a few weeks because I was in the middle of exam time for my intensive Hebrew school. 

I finally reached out to him late Saturday evening, saying that I hoped we could meet sometime this week.  My first red flag was that, in spite of the hour, he was insistent on coming over to my house.  I should've listened to my gut because I was not feeling this pushiness, but I chalked it up to my own hesitations of dating.  Ironic that a date just reaffirmed why I don't want to date...

Fast forward a couple of days, and he invited me to a concert at the university.  It sounded fun, so I agreed, not thinking of it as a serious "date." However, he showed up in dress pants and a button down shirt, me in jeans and a nice-ish shirt.  Oops.  We met in the neighborhood where we both live and rode our bikes to the school.  Conversation was initially great, and he seemed normal.  While waiting in line to enter the concert, I saw my ex's cousin, an adorably sweet human being, and we began to talk for a few minutes.  Once I returned to Engineer Dude, he became very clingy, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me close to him.  My skin started to crawl as I distanced myself from his reach.  Add to it that it really was a little odd seeing ex-family and being on a date.  Poor dude didn't have a chance.

So, we take our seats and begin talking and chatting about life.  The divorce comes up, and he suddenly fixates on it.  "Wow, I don't think it's weird at all that you're divorced."  Conversation changes, then, "You know, it's kind of hot that you're divorced."  Conversation changes again and, "You know, I don't have a problem with you being divorced."  Dude!  Stop!  What a way to make an awkward situation even more awkward.  He also mentioned something along the lines of, "I'm the Jewish engineer that your mother always wanted you to marry" and added something about getting married in the next year.  What?  Huh?  This just kept getting more and more uncomfortable.

The music began, much to my relief, but this opened the door for him to put his arm around me.  And stroke my shoulder.  And try to hold my hand.  I couldn't handle it, and I yanked my hand away from him.  He then tried to tickle my knee, saying, "I want to find out how sensitive you are."  GAG ME.  At this point, everything he did began to bother me.  He complained to the sound guy about the balance in the speakers and that it was too loud (ummm, we sat in the front row at a show - it's going to be loud).  He kept pushing me to get up and dance - "You're a dancer!  Dance!  Dance!"  And, the worst of it all, he couldn't clap on the beat.  I continued to try and be nice, but this was just seen as me being interested.  I said something funny, I'm not sure what, and he started giggling, wrapped me in his arms, and BIT MY SHOULDER.  I literally just took my hands off of the keyboard, shuddered, and shook my head because I still don't believe it.

I made the excuse that I had to get back to my house in the next little bit because of a Skype date with my parents (this is apparently my go-to excuse when I need to get out of an awkward man situation).  We left the university through a different gate, putting us in a direct line to my house, when what I really wanted was to ride back to the point where we met and leave from there.  Not possible.  Dude rode with me all the way to my front stoop, and as I was thanking him for a nice evening, he asked for a hug.  I gave him one, and he began to try to make out with the side of my face.  I pulled away, and he said in a low voice, "You know what I want."  I lost my composure at this point and responded, "And you're not going to get it!"  His response?  "But my heart is beating so fast!"  It took everything inside of me not to vomit on the sidewalk.  I locked myself inside for about half an hour, and then cautiously emerged to go to the little convenience store by my house for beer.  Alcohol was the only thing that would save me from the horror of that night. 

There you have it.  The worst date I've ever been on.  I much prefer being single and alone to having to endure something like that again.  Now I'm going to go shower so I can wash off this memory...yuckkkkk!